my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Randomize
