I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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