I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
