areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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