i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
