the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
