He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
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