I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
