This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
