Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
