Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize