I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
