I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
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I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
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And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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