i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Randomize
