I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
