Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
