Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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