I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
don't judge my taste in strippers
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Randomize
