He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
