it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I have already put on my inside pants.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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