I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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