you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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