Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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