it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I just found a bag of teeth...
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
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