Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
