Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
