Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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