you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
