this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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