I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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