She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
