I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
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