This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
