I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
