i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
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