my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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