Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
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