I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
