Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Randomize
