Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
