Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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