I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
