so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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