one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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