so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
