if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
