It's Friday. Sex?
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
