I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
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