Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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