it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
