question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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