god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
