i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize