how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
