this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
