i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
His hands were made for my vagina.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
